Hi, my name is Jessica and I am a sensitive person.....

Today I have been lost in thoughts. Thoughts of:

• Death
• Mourning
• Becoming a hermit
• Love
• Fear
• Making a countdown chain until the day I can retire (55 years or so)

This past week there has been two deaths that have effected me more than most think. I wonder why I mourn so much for those I barely know. I think I mourn for their family, the part that I do know. How hard it must be to take what happened so abruptly in stride and continue on. Sometimes I wish I didn't feel so much. I thought to myself today, Wow I have not cried or felt too sad about those that have died, I am taking it in stride and just moving forward. But by the end of today I cried, I got sent over the edge by some insensitive person and I started to feel everything so strongly.

My heart aches so badly that I want to to go out and do things to get my mind off of it, but that is only short term. I don't want to let my insecurities or past coping mechanisms ruin things with a boy I like. I'm scared to invest so much into a person, but what I'm even more scared of is letting someone invest so much in me.

But I am grateful for family who remind me what is important and that death happens. It has to happen and even though I am sensitive it is OK. It is more than OK, even great at times. As I get to feel what a lot of people miss out on. And that insecurities are OK as long as they do not run your life.