Feelings....

So today and yesterday have both been very emotional. I felt empty and discouraged. My faith in God was wavering. I have always known God as being loving and understanding but certain events that have happened lately have made me question. I feel like I work hard to keep my faith alive and present in everyday, but today I wanted to give up. Give in to the addictions and remove myself from a world I have worked so hard to become a part of. I questioned if it really was worth the pain and sorrow. I came up with a ton of what ifs. I understand that trials make us stronger but why when we are strong do bad things happen. Yes to make us more strong but I wish there was a point where we could be as strong as we ever could be. As a friend told me today you just want to shout to the heavens "please god just throw me a bone".

Its time to ramble...

So as i was crying in the car again tonight I wonder why I can not just let things go. Why do I feel like I need to take a stand when something is said that is wrong or hurtful. Why can I not let things go or pick and choose my battles? I am a fighter and some days it is not worth it. I am crying because I feel like i am a "b-word" or now I know why I don't have many friends. I wish some days I could careless, I wish I could just let them say what they want, but since I have come to this new life of mine I want it to be better so I can not sit there and let them keep saying these things. So instead of them crying, I cry because I am once again on a search for new friends. Maybe I will find some or maybe I wont. I just need a little bit of sunshine on my face today.